I need to invest in what I already have

It came to me today like a meteor hitting Earth (we all know it’s going to happen; we will go the way of the dinosaurs 😉 ).  After shopping a slew of people to get a grown up outing, I tend to forget I have another adult in my house.  Noah has never been one to drink at home unless we were having a get together.  Not certain why but maybe it’s for the best; Chrystal has not been too reliable in the past in the responsibility department.

As many know, Noah and I are not the picture perfect couple.  We are rolling with Henry and Alice Mitchell now but before we were definitely Sid and Nancy (this is no joke).  I think that since I got used to close to a decade of this behavior, there are still traces of it in my logic.  I used to live on everyone else’s outings besides building time with Noah.  Now that we have to be home with Lucas all the time (trust me, it’s not that bad, but a break every so often is nice), I want to build back on why we kept sticking it out with each other and eventually finding it in us to get married.  I remember telling my cousin over our Indiana Christmas trip that I don’t know how Noah and I are together as we never really had a ‘falling in love’ story, we were merely victims of circumstance.  She said something that just blew me away; ‘That’s how it is, man.  That’s how it happens’.  MIND….BLOWN!  She was right, that’s exactly how it is.  Everyone says if you let them go and they come back to you, it was meant to be.  We are proof of such a phrase.

We are slowly going down a slippery slope and I need to get us out (as since when are men the ones to initiate anything, right?!).  We are falling down the comfortable road; he has to be in his office often for work, but really he just keeps finding new computer games; I get addicted to a new show on Netflix or Antenna TV and I’m in my sweats by 6:30pm; we go to bed at 9:15, kiss each other and roll over.  You would think once the newness of parenthood dusted off, we would be ready to invest in ‘us’ time again.  WRONG!  You are just glad to get sleep and ‘you’ time away from your child who is pissed about his struggle with independence.  I’m pretty certain children is why marriage counseling was started.  You just don’t know how your marriage fits once you have a child.  This is pretty much why we are good with one; we are still semi-selfish when it comes to our marriage and to us, inserting another child is just another batch of selfishness we are not wanting to give up.  It takes certain kinds of parents to handle multiples and we are not those people.

So I think now, since I can’t get people to invest in me as their friend, I’ll just start shopping babysitters.  They tend to be more giving with their time since you pay them.  Babysitters are cheaper than marriage counselors, right?  This awkward friend concept also had me talking with Noah over the weekend about a move out of the PNW.  Noah and I just never found our niche with people here and I know a great many reasons why.  We discussed how his job could work it out, when that could happen and when would be best for our family as a whole.  We will not be returning to Indiana, but we will be closer to there.  I breathed a great sigh of relief to know that I won’t be doing the ‘dating scene for friends’ thing forever.  My doc told me that finding friends is just like dating, it takes forever to find people worth investing time in.

Until that time, I’ll just make ‘friends’ out of babysitters and invest in being a grown up woman again with my husband.

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