It takes more out of me than you might think

For the longest time in my life, I’ve been tormented by what feels like anxiety, depression, overwhelmed, frazzled, explosive and like I’m hitting a wall.  I just felt crazy.  Not in the ‘ha ha’ way, but in the ‘I feel alone and should probably be committed’ sort of way.  So for years, I made myself and everyone close to me miserable.  I lost a lot of friends and shunned a lot of people because I just didn’t think they got what I was going through.  After having Lucas, I just couldn’t get through a day without feeling crippled by fear and anxiety.  I finally got help…

I talked with my PCP and she said it was time to see a behavioral specialist aka a therapist.  I go weekly to just vent over what I fret about and maybe if anything in my subconscious has led me to be overwhelmed and overstimulated by every day life.  Come to find out I have a lovely condition known as HSP ( highly sensitive person ).  I process all events, emotions and every day tasks with such intensity that I tend to flood my brain, nerves, emotions and overall sanity.  I can become explosive and irrational if I can’t take time to decompress and isolate myself from what is overwhelming me.  I feel like I am cornered sometimes if I can’t reach a calm place to decompress.

I speak of this as I know there are a lot of people out there that suffer and what can hurt them is getting no or the wrong kind of help.  There is no ‘cure’ for it and nothing to immediately calm you.  You just have to learn to pace your days and when you have a highly stressful or emotional day, you have to learn how to seclude yourself.  Meds will not help so don’t wander down a path full of pills.  My ‘cure’ for a while was to booze up and that just made things worse.  I thought drinking was sedating and relaxing, but really it was just postponing and bottling up the problem.

HSP isn’t all bad; it can also give you insight to many situations.  You can enjoy art and the outdoors more deeply; same goes for music.  You can also pick up on subliminal messages in most situations, but that can also hurt an experience if someone isn’t enjoying it like you hoped.

I highly recommend reading up on the topic if you think you need help, but I really recommend seeing a therapist as they can guide you to understand how to handle and cope with the tough times.  I have good days and bad days, but the good days are growing more than the bad ones.  I’ve also started working more on creating a routine in my life so I know what to expect more of my days, rather than just winging it.  Routine and structure really help!

If you have any questions or are wondering if this applies to you, please feel free to send me an email or leave a comment and I can get you some tools and resources.

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One thought on “It takes more out of me than you might think

  1. Oh, is that what it’s called? You have a soul sister over here, then. Feel free to drop by anytime. 😉

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