I feel like the last almost 2 years has been me reacting to events. I keep telling myself ‘Don’t worry, we’ll just get through ‘x’ amount of time and then it will be smooth sailing’. Who am I kidding with that? Maybe it’s a way to reassure myself of the most despised phrase I have ever heard ‘this too shall pass’. Some days I’d much rather ram a hot poker through my ears than hear that phrase. But inevitably, it all does pass and then we are on to something else.
Sometimes I look back and wonder why I wanted some phases to come and go so quickly as they were true character builders. Like the nausea when I was first pregnant, going all fun house mirror with everything growing on me to make room for Buddy, the closing process on our house, giving birth, c-section recoop, Buddy’s colic, Buddy not sleeping through the night, reception planning, flying, house decorating and so on. The list really does go on and on but it’s coming to the realization that this truly is life. It’s moving on to the next thing.
It’s all about how you live in those times that is really what I’m trying to learn. As days come and go and Buddy just gets bigger, smarter and more independent, I yearn for something called normalcy. But it truly does not exist. And with that acceptance, I can work on living. I’m trying to work on being more proactive in life rather than reactive but there is always a greater plan ahead of me, already made for me.
With my husband being so sick currently, yes I yearn for this time to pass as I’m very sad about all the time he is missing out on with our son. Noah is just so weak, Buddy is a bit overwhelming for him currently. But I learn to absorb this time for just Buddy and I; I look to teach him and develop what he is learning so that way he can have all the tools necessary to accomplish what he wants. While it may be simple in our books (crawling, pulling himself up, something that looks like walking, developing syllables), it’s a whole new world of opportunity for him and we are building his subconscious for stronger use later in life.
So if normal doesn’t exist, how do I know if I’ve got our family on the right path? This face proves it…