DISCLAIMER: What I state here is true for me and not for everyone.
I’ve learned a GREAT deal about myself and those around me since August 2010. I learned alcohol really does divide people. Sadly, I learned, that it kept certain people at bay when they found out I was pregnant and I wouldn’t be partaking in happy hour shenanigans. Even Noah has lost the company of some friends. I had my own problems with this beverage as I didn’t always understand moderation. Getting pregnant with Lucas was not only something we’ve waited for for years, but it also was our ‘wake up!’ moment. Noah and I were going no where good, FAST!
It’s been pretty sad and sometimes lonely not having as many friends as we used to. But alcohol means more to some of these people than getting to know our latest addition. Lucas put Noah and I into perspective and got us back on track with one another. Too long we made alcohol a crutch, a lifestyle, and an excuse. We used it for outings away from each other and that put us in harm’s way. We drank sometimes like we needed it to breathe so it’s no wonder most of our friends revolved around the same lifestyle.
As a lot of you know, I lost my father in a drunk driving accident when I was 12. But my father was not on a good path; he was riding with the drunk driver. He was drunk himself but opted not to drive as he had lost his license due to the ‘Three Strikes and You Are Out’ policy. He was just released from jail earlier that year but even that couldn’t change his way. He was in jail due to getting caught driving drunk 3 times; he had done it many times more than when he was actually caught. My dad was an excellent father, but just could not fight this demon. He took a swift decline with his drinking when my parents divorced and he never recovered. His drinking was the reason they divorced. I’m now at the age when he took his decline; if I hadn’t had Lucas, I would probably be on that decline.
I’ve noticed that drinking is really celebrated out here. So many wineries, distilleries and breweries; while they can be enjoyed in moderation, I’ve found that a good chunk of the population doesn’t understand moderation when it comes to this. There hasn’t been a time when I’ve gone to a bar, a beer festival, a wine festival, tastings or other event celebrating alcohol that I haven’t seen something negative come out of it. So with Lucas’ arrival, I, too, had some relapse moments but the one time I had a hangover with Lucas, I LEARNED NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN! I still have beer and wine in the house, but it’s all been here a while and I partake in one glass every so often (at VERY most, once a week).
This all came up in my mind today as it was mentioned by someone today that it was just a few months away that liquor would be carried in more locations. I was always HIGHLY AGAINST this idea; I’m not really even a fan of how available beer and wine is out here. I just know way too many people who will make a bad example of this law and I’m worried for a lot of people’s safety. I’m also not excited about the fact that our state budget is taking away from patrolling emergency professionals and this new law is just going to increase the danger on the roads; not much more than now with the current availability of beer and wine, but an increase is an increase.
If you know someone who needs help from alcohol abuse, don’t wait as something bad will happen. It’s usually not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’. True friends and family help you when you could be a harm to yourself or others. While I’m sad I’ve lost some friends over the last couple of years due to my lack of participation in drinking outings, the right ones have stuck around and made us feel like we have a family away from our family. And to you, we are so grateful!
I have NO concept of the ‘B’ word, on so many levels. But the main trouble I’m having is figuring out where I fit anymore. I know I’m a wife; I know I’m a mother; I know I’m a homeowner; I know I’m a cook; I know I’m a maid; I know I’m a nurse; I know I’m an IT specialist; I know I’m a interior designer; I know I’m a problem solver; I know I’m a chauffeur; I know I’m an event planner. So where am I?
I used to be a very outgoing, party type of girl so to quite suddenly be domesticated is really like being thrown into a whole new world. I was just blown away by how many personas I took on; some not so willingly. I often find myself confused about where I went or what do with myself. I also find it hard to figure out when it’s time for me to vent. All this pent up emotion really drains you!
My family has come on hard times, medically, and trying to find balance between my husband, my son and quiet time is really non-existent. I’m not really certain when the balance will happen but I’m not hopeless. If I became hopeless, then I would be failing myself and all that I believe in. I know one day this will all sort itself out and I’ll understand how to manage all of these hats. It’s just not going to happen right now. (And for someone with minimal patience, this is not always easy to comprehend.)
I’ll never believe I bear the bigger cross, I just have some moments that are heavier than others. This is currently one of those times and I know I’m strong enough to sort it out. One day….
I’ve always been fond of stories from past generations. I’m pretty certain I was either REALLY happy in a past life or I was born in the wrong time. My music taste is very eclectic but not with newer music. I have old morals and beliefs but I’ve updated some to be more up to date. I even have old taste in decorating, but I prefer some modern points as well.
I always remember being so fond of stories that my grandparents would tell me. Whether it be from how they met, how they interacted with their friends or how they were involved in different wars; I was always all ears when it came to these times. I used to love listening to an old radio at one of my grandparents’ house; I inherited a box of old keepsakes from one grandmother that even had the title to her very first car when she got married to my grandfather. I really don’t know what it is about those golden years, but I really cannot get enough of it!
It really breaks my heart that a lot of my elders will not be/are not around for Lucas to get these stories or great morals instilled in him. While I know I can tell him these stories, they just don’t hold the meanings as when they came from the original owners. While I know society as a whole is marching forward and evolving, you can’t blame me for wanting these kinds of values apart of our family. Our elders help shape the world we know today. I know children are our future, but we have to teach them to know how to shape our future in a way that is fair, just and solid for all.
For those who have children or are about to have children, this is really something to ponder: How are you shaping your child to be a valuable asset to our future? Remember to listen to your elders….
And I did just that. I knew one day I would find myself taking care of my husband in a great time of need, but I thought a) it would be when it was time for his next kidney transplant and b) it would be later in life; not before he was 30. But we are the Murphy’s Law couple and we keep putting that to the ultimate test.
A little over 3 weeks ago, my son got a pretty nasty cold and passed it on to me. Once I was over it, we thought it has completely missed my husband. Boy were we ever wrong! Apparently we had contracted a virus called CMV. For most people with a normal immune system, this lovely thing causes minimal symptoms or even just goes dormant. But for people like Noah with a suppressed immune system, it wreaks MASSIVE havoc on you and you end up in the hospital taking meds that have to be given to you through a midline and come in chemotherapy bags. Yeah, it’s been an interesting week of caring for my husband in a hospital while sadly dropping my son off with different people every day. Lucas did GREAT with each and every person and that was the greatest thing I could ask for.
A lot of people kept mentioning how stressed I must be or worn out I must feel. I didn’t feel any of that. My husband needed medical help; I didn’t think twice about getting him that. In fact, I really didn’t think much about what I was doing. I just wanted the man I love to not be in the pain he was in so I did EVERYTHING I could to make him comfortable. The only thing that really tore me up was not having daily interaction with our son as a family. I hurt every morning and every night when I was only spending an hour at a time with our son while I was spending 12 hours a day at a hospital getting my husband to try and mend and driving up and down the dreaded 405 S-curve. I just wanted my family as a whole again.
Finally, a week after my husband was admitted to the hospital, he was released and I brought him home after an extensive training regarding his at home care and administering his meds. It was the one wish I wanted for my birthday and I find myself tearing up just thinking that at 27, turning 28, I had grown into this wife and mom who could care less about what I actually DID on my birthday; I just wanted my family to be with me. I will always stand by my men as they make me the best ‘me’….
I feel like the last almost 2 years has been me reacting to events. I keep telling myself ‘Don’t worry, we’ll just get through ‘x’ amount of time and then it will be smooth sailing’. Who am I kidding with that? Maybe it’s a way to reassure myself of the most despised phrase I have ever heard ‘this too shall pass’. Some days I’d much rather ram a hot poker through my ears than hear that phrase. But inevitably, it all does pass and then we are on to something else.
Sometimes I look back and wonder why I wanted some phases to come and go so quickly as they were true character builders. Like the nausea when I was first pregnant, going all fun house mirror with everything growing on me to make room for Buddy, the closing process on our house, giving birth, c-section recoop, Buddy’s colic, Buddy not sleeping through the night, reception planning, flying, house decorating and so on. The list really does go on and on but it’s coming to the realization that this truly is life. It’s moving on to the next thing.
It’s all about how you live in those times that is really what I’m trying to learn. As days come and go and Buddy just gets bigger, smarter and more independent, I yearn for something called normalcy. But it truly does not exist. And with that acceptance, I can work on living. I’m trying to work on being more proactive in life rather than reactive but there is always a greater plan ahead of me, already made for me.
With my husband being so sick currently, yes I yearn for this time to pass as I’m very sad about all the time he is missing out on with our son. Noah is just so weak, Buddy is a bit overwhelming for him currently. But I learn to absorb this time for just Buddy and I; I look to teach him and develop what he is learning so that way he can have all the tools necessary to accomplish what he wants. While it may be simple in our books (crawling, pulling himself up, something that looks like walking, developing syllables), it’s a whole new world of opportunity for him and we are building his subconscious for stronger use later in life.
So if normal doesn’t exist, how do I know if I’ve got our family on the right path? This face proves it…