This may be hard to believe, but there is someone else besides you and your baby. It was pretty shocking to me as well. There is your partner and they need you as much as you need them. To some, this may be an understood principle, but when you have reached a new level of exhaustion and discomfort, being intimate in any sort of way (yeah, the 6 weeks waiting time won’t phase you specifically cause of all the grossness) is almost out of the question.
I definitely didn’t feel like even smooching Noah as he got to see things that even I haven’t seen myself do. I was also so exhausted from waking up all night and barely napping all day due to breastfeeding (and being the most crazed cleaning lady I have ever seen). And what I found surprising in all of this, my midwives constantly asked about how I was taking care of my husband. I was like ‘are you people nuts?! Who has the time? The man just watched me get ripped and sliced AND had to clean my tubes out every 2 hours with junk that was almost as bad as what came out of me while I was giving birth!’ But really, Noah needed me just like I needed him.
While I’ve mentioned before, Noah and I had come to terms on what our relationship was when Lucas was originally heard of and that we were gung ho crazy for each other. I will NEVER recommend anyone having a child to better their relationship, but that’s what Lucas did. He sort of became our AA sponsor. We stopped drinking, we stayed in together, we talked about life goals and dreams and just got to know each other on such a deeper level. That 9 months was the rehab we and our relationship needed. We needed to bond to help each other in the greatest new chapter of our lives.
After Lucas arrived and all the family had left, it was pretty cool to watch us become our own family. The way we just understood who took care of what and Noah really stepped it up as a man and a father when I got sick. While we were gross from lack of sleep, lack of regular eating, constantly in and out of hospitals and doc offices, we still loved being together. We didn’t get angry with each over petty things and we gave each other a break when one looked more frazzled than the other. We took turns going out so we could have escapes (if you have family around, try to get in date nights. We didn’t get our first one until Lucas was 4 months as we waited for my parents to visit) and took turns doing ‘me’ things like reading or playing video games. Gone are the days of doing cool stuff like that together; somebody has to watch your little babe.
I’m not going to discuss intimacy in detail as everyone has their own take on that. But remember, to your partner, you haven’t really changed except you may be a little more tired. They may even fall more in love with you after they watch you become a parent. Just keep in mind that as much as you need all the support you can get, so does your partner. They may not have pushed the baby out(or had their body hacked open), but they are still recouping from trying to help you out. Having a baby is all sorts of difficult, but keeping your partnership alive, loving and well is AGAIN a whole different beast. You’ll find your own way of making it all work, nobody can tell you what works best. It’s your love, your life and your family; you know best! (You’ll hear that a lot in this new adventure; your gut is suddenly a know-it-all) Congrats and Best Wishes on your new chapter! Remember: it’s not life changing, it’s life altering. You will just do everything you did before a little differently. Much love….